About three to four weeks ago, I got this weird irritation on my gums on the top left side above my molars. Granted, I may have forgotten to brush my teeth for like two days, but this is what happens when you have brain funnies. So this has happened before, like a bunch during my depressive periods when I don't take care of myself, but usually a week of painful brushing will bring it back to normal. But this time… it didn't!!!!

So for the first time in recent memory, I went to the dentist not for a routine cleaning. And because I'm now going to the adult dentist instead of the pediatric dentist (as evidenced by the fact that I refer to it as a “pediatric dentist” and not a “kid dentist”), I don't even get a toy from the treasure chest. >:( I think adult dentists should have treasure chests too, but with adult toys. Ok wait that sounds bad thats not what I meant

Anyways I went to the dentist and they asked if I had been stressed recently, and I said no since I haven't been in school. But as I've thought about it, I have been really stressed. My summer internship consists of a lot of cold calling regular people and asking them if they want to get involved with a political campaign. I do believe in what I'm doing, so I'll push through the social anxiety, the anxiety is still there. It's diminished a bit since I first started, obviously. And you know what grinds my gears grrrrr During our meetings, none of the other interns talk!!!! Which is really fucking annoying because that means I have to talk ALL THE TIME. Like it gets really awkward also after I speak because no one else talks and I stick out like a sore thumb. So that sucks.

What I've learned from all this is that you can't grind your way through stress and anxiety. Who would have known it?

My music is also reaching a dead end right now, because I'm bad at production. I have a concept but making that an actual reality is different. “Actual reality” is redundant. But writing lyrics that don't sound cheesy is really difficult. I think my writing has evolved over the past two-three years, and I want my songs to reflect that. Of course all of this doesn't matter if you can't get started in the first place!!!

I've also started writing a script for a video to release during the summer. It's the first independent piece of structured writing I've written in a WHILE. I'm now in the revision part of the process, and there are so many moving parts to the concepts that I'm talking about that it's difficult to structure the script. Also some of my arguments are stronger than others, and I need to make sure that I'm being clear that I'm not undermining our cause. It's hard to talk about this without revealing what it is, but I want to keep it a surprise!

Managing everything has been weirdly stressful in a way that it isn't during the school year. Once you enroll in classes and join clubs, almost all of your time is scheduled. But not during summer — you actually have to think about stuff. This isn't to say this isn't present during the school year — I should have been doing a lot of stuff that I just didn't do.

All of this is incredibly frustrating. But it's just part of the growing pains of entering adulthood, I guess.